I’m a control freak, I really am. When I’m trying to control the outcome of any situation, I feel most at home. I didn’t say that I feel comfortable when I’m in that space, but it feels normal. Unfortunately, normal (for me) is a bit wired, stressed out, over-worked, with a ‘to do’ list that is longer than anything I can possibly accomplish within a reasonable amount of time.
That being said, I’ve had a tough week. I’m trying to prepare for a much needed vacation to the Caribbean (yeah, I know, how stressful can that be?!) with a long list of other things that need to be done before I depart. This book marketing thing has taken its toll. The control freak in me says that if I don’t DO a whole bunch of things, it will have all been a big, fat waste of time. Writing the series was effortless for me. Marketing it is something that I simply wasn’t prepared for. I didn’t sign up for this (did I?) and the mountain in front of me seems higher than I can climb. I made a decision a few days ago, with the support of my sister and a few others, to step away from it, not from a place of resignation, but from a place to take a few deep breaths and get re-centered. So I did. I plopped my body down on the bed, mid-afternoon, and took a well-deserved nap.
My husband woke me a couple of hours later to say that I’d received a package from a woman named Chris Pusateri, formerly with the International New Thought Alliance. We opened the package and there were four copies of New Thought Magazine, a quarterly publication within the New Thought community. On the outside of the top magazine was a little yellow sticky that said, “Hi Pat, we got top billing!” She bought my series and decided to write a review to submit to the magazine. Lo and behold, they printed her two column review in their Book Reviews section in their Spring, 2012 edition.
The first thing that crossed my mind (after I danced around the room!) is how interesting it was that when I made the decision to step back, something positive happened. A bit later that evening, Chris emailed me to say that her friend is doing an Affiliated New Thought Network convention later this month and has some extra space at her table, and would be happy to promote my series if I’ll send her some books. Are you kidding me?! Okay, wow. Two really good things happened! And if that wasn’t enough, she made contact again to say that in July, she’s going to Phoenix for the International New Thought Alliance Convention and again, would love to promote this series to help get it out there. Three good things!
Is all this just one big coincidence? Maybe, but I think its energy. There was a time over a decade ago that I wrote my thoughts on paper and a new form of life emerged. Something came in and swept it away and it was no longer mine, but had a journey of its own. Being the control freak that I am, it’s difficult to accept the fact that it might not unfold the way that I think it should. But I do know this: I’ve never been in control anyway, it’s an illusion; one that feels ‘normal’ to me but is senseless and it stresses me out. So I’ll keep shuffling my feet in the direction that feels right, but I’m going to work on surrender. That being said, I’m going to the Caribbean to breathe and get re-centered. I’ll post again in a couple of weeks and hopefully have a few pictures of me ‘breathing’ . . . .
In love and light,
Patricia
Control makes us feel safe because we know the outcome and when we don’t know what will happen, well, that can be scary. Breathing is a good thing, for certain. Allowing God to help us through the day is even better, as the weight of stress is lifted from us and we are a bit lighter. Hope the vacation is a good one!
You said it beautifully and you’re dead on. The unknown can be very scary; we have to Trust.
Being in control makes us feel safe since we know the outcome and when we don’t know what will happen is when the stress kicks in. Allowing God to take over the daily grind for us is like giving us permission to breath and know that we will be okay. Hope your vacation is a great one!