Posts Tagged ‘anxiety level’

I receive daily ‘Law of Attraction’ notifications from Abraham-Hicks (http://www.abraham-hicks.com/lawofattractionsource/index.php) and felt compelled to share the one below with you, because it is the one I live by:

Life Will Always Be Working Out for Me . . .

I like understanding that things are always evolving, and while there are many things that could be better where I am, it is not really a problem because “where I am” is constantly changing to something better. I like knowing that as I look for the best things around me where I am, those things become more prevalent in my experience.

It is fun to know that things are always working out for me, and as I watch for the evidence of that . . . I see more evidence of that every day.

— Abraham

I start out each and every day at 3:30am with my cup of coffee (currently Dunkin Donuts, Pumpkin Spice!) and my Abraham-Hicks notification.  It seems to get my day off to a good start and it reminds me to stay conscious with my thoughts.

I continuously inspire to raise my vibration to a higher place, living by the above affirmation, and over the past year or so, I see evidence of it all around me.  I’ve always told others to find something to be grateful for; something you can believe in.  If you’re homeless, give thanks for the bridge that shelters you (and mean it).  The mere act of genuine thankfulness will attract more good to you.  It’s the Law of Attraction and it works.  Continuously complain about your circumstances, dwell on your poverty or loneliness and the Law of Attraction will supply more of it.  Like attracts like, it’s the Law of Attraction in action. This law isn’t compassionate or emotional at all, it just works the way it works and everyone gets to use it either consciously or unconsciously; it works either way.

I work with the public (lots of them) and I can tell you that the overwhelming majority aren’t happy with their life, job, relationship, children, income (or lack of), etc.  Most people love to talk about the negative drama in their lives and they’re committed to it; resigned to it simply as ‘the way it is.’ Yes indeed.

In conversing with my daily customers, I also frequently engage in this conversation.  The reality is, unless they’re paying a therapist for advice, they don’t want any.  They want someone they can talk to; someone who can relate to them; and I can relate.  The difference is I think, is that I don’t believe (at a gut level) that which sometimes comes out of my mouth!  Sure, I can complain with the best of them about the job, the money, the lack of time (you’ve all heard me on this one!), etc. but I believe with my whole heart and soul the above affirmation.  I KNOW that I’ll always be okay and that the universe supports my higher good.  The manifestation of this belief continues to propel me forward in ways I’ve never dreamed of.  My complaints are made in an almost humorous way, as I find comfort in this and I’ve never been one to take things too seriously.  Being human is to feel, and sometimes I feel a bit negative.  But I also know that tomorrow is a new day and the negativity doesn’t mean anything; it’s not real.  I know that something good is just around the corner.

In love and light,




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TIME seems to be my biggest challenge these days, and I keep pressuring myself to become more efficient with it, acting as though it’s something I can control.  If I just plan better, organize myself differently, get up earlier and stay up later, eat crackers and cheese for dinner rather than organizing a sit-down meal, forego the family bbq on Labor Day (no worries, I’ll be there sis), I can squeeze more in , you get the picture.  But the thing is, there’s never enough of this thing called TIME, no matter how I try to switch it up or change what I do.  Something is always slipping through the cracks and mostly, its quality time.  As an example:

This blog: it’s hard for me to accept that I can’t get it together to post every weekend.  I always attempt to do it; the intention is there.  Writing is my newfound first love, but unfortunately it is my second job . . . the one that isn’t bringing in enough money to pay the bills yet; the one that is the most demanding of my time.  Enjoying this blog was the one surprise that I wasn’t anticipating.  Not only is it a creative, fun way to express myself, but I’ve met so many great people along the way.  Every author has to have a blog these days but in order to make it pay off in a marketing sense (sales of my children’s series), it requires a number of daily tasks that, in reality, equates to a full-time job.  Posting two to three times per week (if not daily) is one of those tasks.  Asking questions to engage conversation is another, and responding to those comments is critically important. 

One can’t overlook the daily reading of your fellow bloggers posts and leaving comments.  Those of us who have blogs know how much it validates what we do when people respond in some way . . . any way actually.  Agree, disagree, but say something.  I completely enjoy this part of the blogging experience and can get lost for several hours a day if I allow myself this luxury, which I would like to do.   And of course there’s the visual appearance of your blog (themes, colors, backgrounds, pictures, video’s, etc.) which should  be pleasant.  There are courses that teach one how to be a professional blogger in order to reach big numbers and how to then turn that into sales . . . but this too is a commitment of TIME; lots of it.

If you’re a published author, there’s other marketing that can’t be ignored, and is probably way more important than blogging (if you have to prioritize): sending off piles and piles of books to potential reviewers, landing radio interviews, attempting to check in and be active on the social networking sites such as LinkedIn, Facebook, Amazon Author, Library Thing, and Shelfari , to name just a few of the hundreds and hundreds out there.  Where do I advertise with my limited funds to get the most ‘bang for the buck’? How do I stand out from all the other children’s books on the shelves?  Oh how I wish I had the TIME to sit at my computer all day and play on this level.  Yes, it’s a lot of work but I really enjoy it. I believe that I’ve resigned myself to blogging for pure pleasure, when I can squeeze it in, because clearly I don’t have the TIME to do all that’s required, in any way that even remotely resembles ‘professional.’

I could go on and on with the countless other tasks required to live and function when one has a spouse, children, pets, an aging parent to tend to, sickness, etc., but the thing is, most all of you can relate to what I’m saying; nothing new here. My world is likely no different than yours, just different tasks on the ‘to do’ list.  Are you hoping for some sound, practical advice in this post for how to add more TIME or quality to your already full day?  I do have some answers, but the problem is, they’re the ones you already know . . . . “you have to MAKE THE TIME “(really?). . . “Prioritize and let the little ones go” (I have no little ones; I already dropped them off my list). Can I practice what I preach in my series?  Do we really have all the answers internally?  What would Grand Master say about this dilemma we face?  Is it just a matter of getting quiet, going within and asking?

Let me check . . . . . . . . . Eyes closed, deep breath; . . . inhale . . . exhale. . . .  going within . . . . .

“All your worries and stress about ‘lack of time’ only hinder your success and intensify the negative experience, little master. You cannot focus on ‘lack of time’ and expect more time to show up.  Be clear about what you want, move forward with love and kindness, do not compromise quality in your life, and help others on their path when the opportunity arises.  Know that there is a powerful force in the universe that is committed to manifesting all that you desire.  This is the most powerful tool you have at your disposal, little master; if you can believe it.”

Hmmm, not sure how that works, but it does.  I know where I want this series to go and I’m quite clear about it. It either will or it won’t but my constant mind-set of ‘not enough time’ is indeed providing, not enough time.  What shows up in our world is exactly what we focus on.  If you don’t like what you see in your life, change what you see in your life; find the beauty, the serenity, the sunrises and sunsets; focus on nothing but the good for as long as you can and when the negative creeps in, consciously push it out.  Say something to yourself such as, “I refuse to let this negative thought permeate my consciousness,” and lovingly send it on its way.  It seems silly and yet, it’s quite a powerful statement to the universe about what you’re willing to accept as your reality.  This takes conscious practice, but the benefits are well worth it.  Do I do this all the time?  No, because I forget and I’m busy and my lack of time robs my will to stay conscious.  Will I put extra effort into it this week?  Damn straight. 

Any comments?   🙂

In love and light,



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Tomorrow is back-to-school for kids in Pinellas County, Florida and while most parents simply can’t wait to get their children back on a schedule, out of the fridge, away from the TV and sofa, and out from behind the computer; my husband and I are feeling very ambivalent about ‘back-to-school’. 

Without the pressures of the intensely rigorous, International Baccalaureate program that our son is in, we actually get along fairly well; we laugh, we communicate and behave like real human beings.  Once the school bell rings in August, something takes over my son’s body and he becomes ‘someone else’.  His time-management skills are so bad (so bad!) that I’m convinced he’s  nocturnal; he cannot, I repeat, CANNOT do homework while it’s still light outside. 

Over the last three years of this tremendously difficult program, we’ve tried pretty much everything you can imagine to get him to come home and do his five plus (yes, you read correctly, FIVE, plus) hours of homework right after school.  I’ve read all the books and believe me; we’ve tried using POSITIVE motivation rather than negative punishment.  Ultimately however, we eventually resorted to playing ‘take-away’ by having him lose things like his cell phone, TV, car keys and computer.  Without his computer, however, he really can’t do homework . . . his assignments are online and some work has to be uploaded by midnight the night before it’s due. Some of his teachers reach the kids through Facebook if there’s a change to the work (whose bright idea was this?)  All of these things, aside from maybe losing the TV, cause US more work and grief. 

So what’s a parent to do?? I’m tired of being angry and resentful that he can’t (or won’t) take our advice about improving his time-management skills.  He hates being up all night and he hates being so tired during the day that he has to nap when he gets home from school. His best work is done between 9pm and 3am, but he’s tired when his alarm goes off at six in the morning and he’s cranky as all get-out.  Somehow he manages to get mostly A’s in a program that rivals your average college curriculum, AND, he happens to like doing so well in such a challenging program, but he’s killing himself in the process  . . . . Not to mention the fact that he’s a bear to live with.  He could turn it all around so easily with his smarts; he’s very capable of handling this program and more, but he won’t get on board.

So this year I’m giving it up.  I’m not going to try and save him anymore.  I’ve realized that when they get bigger and taller than you, you can’t MAKE them do their homework; you can’t MAKE them go to bed at a certain time.  They can get back up and work more after you go to bed.  And I don’t want to keep getting up to check on him, let him be exhausted.   I mean, don’t get me wrong, you can tell them to do it and if they don’t . . . yadda, yadda . . . but they will decide if its’ really going to get done, and when.  And they will live with the consequences they create.  We can only guide them; we can’t do it for them.  The motivation has to be internal and sometimes to arrive at this place; one has to come from a loss of some kind, or to experience the consequences of making a bad choice. 

As a parent, it’s hard to watch.  We almost need to step outside of the parenting role and step into being a non-emotional guide (who loves them unconditionally), with no attachment to the outcome.  Any one of us could tell another parent how to handle this situation; it’s a no-brainer.  But can I do this with my own child?  Can I bear the frustration of watching him slowly kill himself over the upcoming school year, yet again, when I know I can save him if he’ll just listen?  Ahhh, the joys of parenthood. 

There’s a lot that I CAN do and HAVE done, but this one has me good.  I’m going to give it my best shot by setting some guidelines that are reasonable, and stop stressing.  He’ll either make it or he won’t; he’ll either do it the easy way or he’ll struggle through another year, starting projects the day before they’re due, when he had three months to do them.  But one thing is for sure; I need to re-read my children’s books (they’re not just for children, did you know?).  Grand Master never fails me and always steers me to the answer that I already had.  I’ll update you on the results in a couple months, wish me luck 🙂

In love and light,



Photo courtsey of www.freedigitalphotos.net

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For those of you who read my post from last weekend, I have to apologize if I offended anyone with the link to the movie, Planes, Trains and Automobiles, but we gotta have a sense of humor, right?  Personally, no matter what the circumstances, it’s not in my make-up to behave as Steve Martin did in that scene.  And yet, there is something so gratifying to watch someone else behave like that when you feel that an injustice has been done.  It’s as though you silently root them on for verbalizing what YOU can’t say or do.  It doesn’t serve anyone; it almost never gets anything productive accomplished, it only serves the person blowing off steam for the sake of blowing off steam.

So why, you might ask,  am I still beating this subject to a pulp?  Glad you asked.  My husband and my son spent last week in NY and WERE SCHEDULED to arrive home around 10:30pm last night.  The calls from my husband started coming in around 10:15, saying that the flight was a bit delayed.  “Ha ha ha, wouldn’t it be funny if you had a repeat of last weekend?  What are the odds? Ha ha ha . . .

Do I need to say more?  It is now Sunday afternoon at about 3:30pm and they still aren’t home.  So, I’m not going to detail the series of unfortunate events that occurred to my husband and son in the last 24 hours, but because yesterday was my son’s 17th birthday, I wrote a poem for him; one that I’m sure he’ll keep forever to commemorate this happy occasion.  The first part of the poem you read about in last weeks post.  The last half is what you don’t know.  Please allow me to share it with you, here goes:

Jordan’s 17th Birthday

June 30, 2012

I’m sorry your birthday wasn’t the celebration you should get

Most of it on the runway, on a United Airlines jet

 Your celebration dinner should have been cake and ice cream,

But you were getting nothing, not even peanuts, it would seem.

 We didn’t get to see Kate and Danielle wed,

Hotels.com gave you a couch, not a bed.

 F _ _ _ ing Marsha (!) and her husband

(I’m sure their relationship is good),

But we don’t think he talks to her the way that he should!

 The line at Customer Service was a three hour wait,

We weren’t getting in soon, it seemed was our fate.

 Although United had agents all over the place,

Only TWO were helping customers; no smiles on their face.

 Finally!  Good news!  We can catch some of the reception

Eighty dollars later; different airport, no exception.

 “Okay, we’ll do it, what choice do we have?”

We can change into our wedding clothes in a gas station lav.

 That is, if we locate our lost checked-in bag

What else do they need, we still have our tag . . .!

 We did indeed, make the reception in time

For some much needed food, on someone else’s dime!

 A few hours later, mom on her way home,

Tropical Storm, Debbie, making HER presence known!

 You and dad in New York, getting up early each day,

Checking out colleges; the thing to do, so they say.

 And then finally, it’s over, the week here and gone,

You can finally sleep in, no rising at dawn.

 Then back at the airport, United flight 721

Sat still on the runway, couldn’t get it to run!

 You returned to the gate, not once, but twice,

A new flight crew was needed, “well, isn’t that nice?!”

 They cancelled the flight, three hours gone by

You were so friggin tired, you thought you might die.

 The ‘Friendly Skies’ airline, once again made it right

They’d get you home, but “no way’ tonight.

 No rooms to be had; every single one filled,

Both you and your dad, neither one of you thrilled.

 Another night in the airport, lost souls all around,

Travelers sleeping, some on the ground.

 “The closest we can get you into Tampa Bay,

Is the Orlando airport, and have a nice day!”

 As I sit here and write this, feeling bad that you’re tired,

Get a rental car, get home!  So that dad doesn’t get fired!

 It was an expensive trip and you were up every night,

Do you think that United will make their wrongs right?

 So, Happy Birthday my son, I hope it was great!

Fly the “Friendly Skies of United”

On your next vacation escape 🙂

Gotta laugh, right.?  But then again, I’m the one at home.  They should be here shortly and I’ll expect to see them for about ten minutes, before they throw their limp bodies on top of the bed.

In love and light,



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It was to be a whirlwind weekend but one I was willing to do.  My niece was getting married late Saturday afternoon in Chatham, NY. I arose in typical workday fashion on Friday morning at 3:30am and put in a full day of work.  Exhausted, I ran home, showered, grabbed my husband, my 17 year old son, and my carry-on luggage and headed for the Tampa airport for a 7:00pm flight.  We were to stop in DC and catch our connecting flight into Albany, NY, scheduled to arrive at 11:30pm.  We had a rental car waiting so that we could then drive approximately 40 minutes into the lovely village of Chatham. 

My husband and son were staying for a week to visit colleges, rekindle with family, and relax.  I had to be back on Sunday for some unfinished work prep and work on Monday.  To accommodate my circumstances, I had ONE choice of return departure times: 5:30am . . . no problem, I just won’t stay at the reception too late; I can handle it.

When we discovered that our flight would be delayed for take-off from Tampa, due to some bad weather conditions in DC that still eludes me, my son said, “Wouldn’t it be terrible if we missed the wedding?”  We both chuckled.  Forty minutes later, still sitting in line for take-off, it didn’t seem so funny.

We missed our connecting flight by, oh . . . twenty minutes, along with most of the other passengers who also missed their connecting flights.  When we asked “WHY IN THE WORLD WOULDN’T THEY HOLD THE PLANES FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WERE CURRENTLY RUNNING THROUGH THE AIRPORT TO CATCH THEIR FLIGHT???” We were told that United NEVER holds flights.  Friggin super.  Okay, “What do we do now?”  It’s about 9:30pm in DC.  We were instructed to get in line at customer service and they would help us re-book.  My husband got in line for three hours . . . couldn’t some of those other United employees help out?  I mean, the airport is dead at this hour and they’re manning counters with ZERO people there!  Two and a half hours later, they decided that indeed, this was an excellent idea.

There were no flights available with room for additional passengers and the absolute soonest they could get us out was 24 hours later, putting us in NY Saturday night, very late.  “Wouldn’t it be terrible if we missed the wedding?” Ha ha ha, . . . It seemed that we would.  We did discover however, if we were willing to take a taxi to the Ronald Regan airport (for another $80.00) they could get us on a flight with another airline that would maybe allow us to catch some of the reception.  I was so frustrated that I would have turned around and come right back to Tampa (considering that I had to return at 5:30am on Sunday morning anyway), but they couldn’t get me back until late Saturday night.  I might as well stay with the boys, as my only other option was to hang at the airport for 24 hours.  We opted for the flight out of Ronald Regan the following day at 2:50pm.

I had no checked luggage, only a carry on with my dress for the wedding, a pair of nice shoes, and some miscellaneous personal items.  My husband and son however had checked one bag, to accommodate their week’s stay.  “Where is my bag?” asks my even-tempered husband (who always professes that one attracts more flies with honey . . .), refusing to give in to the understandable frustration he was feeling.  “Good question!” was the ‘way too happy’ United attendant’s response (seriously, WAY too happy, even under normal circumstances).  We were tired, it was 3:30am, and we weren’t feeling quite as chipper as she was.  It is HERE where I have to insert a link to the particular scene in Planes, Trains and Automobiles (Steve Martin and John Candy) that adequately conveys the way my husband and I were feeling in this moment.  But I have to warn you, the ‘F’ bomb is dropped quite a few times, so please don’t view it if you’ll be offended!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWRxPDhd3d0

They had no idea what happened to our bag.  “Eventually, it will show up in Albany . . . . eventually, we think.  But don’t lose your luggage tag!” they tell us.  Really?!  We were going to throw it away, all this unnecessary paper . . .

We had to sleep.  United gave us a coupon for 50% off with Hotels.com and a voucher for taxi transportation to the hotel, IF we can find a hotel that isn’t either full, or priced out of our range (even at 50% off) for the four hours of sleep that we might get, so that we can take a taxi to a different airport  and leave on a different airline.  My husband spends another 30 minutes on the phone with an employee from Hotels.com, who can’t even seem to answer simple questions like, “how many beds are in the room?” The incredibly nice man on the other end of the phone asked if we could call him back to let him know the bed count once we arrived.  I suppose if any other customers requested that same information, he would be able to give them an accurate answer. The look on my husbands face was priceless.  “You want me to call you back to tell you how many beds are in the room?!” he asks. Who the heck is this ‘Hotels.com’ and exactly WHAT service do they provide???

While my husband is occupied with finding us a room for a few hours of sleep, my son and I are watching the other lost souls wandering around the empty airport.  One gentleman (and I use this word loosely) simply couldn’t contain his frustration.  Apparently he felt a need to call his wife at this absurd hour, just to share what was going on, as though she could do anything about it, particularly at that hour. The airport was quiet; people were sleeping on benches, small children wrapped in their parents arms, a tearful young woman with her husband trying to return home to Ireland . . . and we ALL hear “F_ _ _ ING COME ON MARSHA!  . . . YES, I’M STUCK HERE UNTIL 10PM TOMORROW NIGHT; I CAN’T GET A HOTEL, I CAN’T GET A RENTAL CAR, MY LUGGAGE IS MISSING  . . . OH NEVER MIND, I GUESS YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING!  I’LL DO THIS ON MY OWN LIKE I DO EVERYTHING ELSE!  Click.  Well wasn’t that fun?  Now that everyone is awake . . . and very happy about it, I might add.  This rage-a-holic was the highlight of my son’s weekend.  He was completely entertained by this man’s inability to control himself in an appropriate manner.  ‘Robbie Rage’ freaked out at anyone who HE thought should be able to help him, but couldn’t. 

Without boring you with more detail, we did get into a nice hotel for about $75.00 (and had to use the pull out couch for the extra bed . . . no, we didn’t call the nice gentleman at hotels.com . . . “Hey listen Tom, we do indeed have beds in this room, thanks for the service you folks provide!”

The rental car company had our pick up date wrong; my husband had to convince them that it was THEIR mistake, not ours, in order to avoid being charged another $200.00 or so for the week he needed the car.  Swiftly, we changed our clothes and arrived at the wedding reception in time to eat (thank goodness, we’d been eating crackers and nuts for the last 24 hours) and to consume some much needed alcohol.  I’m certain I made a lovely impression with the dark circles under my red eyes, in my wrinkled dress and heels, while quickly downing two glasses of wine!   “Hey congratulations, sorry we missed the wedding . . . got any more wine?”

I was asleep by 11:30pm and ALMOST missed my flight out of Albany.  At 4:30am in the small airport of Albany, NY on a Sunday morning . . . who would have thought that the security line would look like a 45 minute wait for a Disney ride?  Really??!!  But lo and behold, I did arrive at my gate just as they announced boarding for group six.  I arrived safely and uneventfully back in Tampa, just in time to catch all the excitement from Tropical Storm Debbie.  I was so tired I just wanted to jump in bed, but I thought that it might be wise to call my husband for instructions on draining the pool.  Not only was it filled to capacity (and a lovely shade of green-yellow), but I was concerned that the water might begin to seep into the house from the lanai (screened in porch, for those who aren’t Floridians).  No matter that it was pouring down rain with wind gusts of 30mph . . . . “I’ll get my get my raincoat honey, don’t hang up!”.  My husband tells me that the draining hose is split, therefore I have to insert one end into the other and “make sure you shove it in two or three feet . . . .”  Sure!  No problem!  Such an opportunity; I now know how to drain our pool, even if the hose is in two pieces!

I’d like to say that this story ends happily and while I’m now safe within the confines of my home, I made a decision when my alarm went off this morning to NOT go to work.  Once I make that decision, I can’t change my mind two hours later; it’s too late to get prepared. For most, this might not be a big deal, but I drive a mobile catering truck and service approximately 300 people (15 companies) for their breakfast, break, and lunch needs.  With the pounding rain at 3:30am this morning and the dismal weather forecast, it seemed the right choice.  Monday is a big money day for me AND, we just spent $1000.00 for a weekend at the Dulles Airport (something that was on my bucket list) so I really needed to work, but I couldn’t see spending the entire day in tropical storm conditions.  It’s now 3:00pm and it hasn’t rained ONCE today . . . the sun even came out (isn’t that special?).  I found myself hoping it would pour to justify my decision, but no, it’s been a beautiful day.

As I watch the news, they’re saying that we shouldn’t be fooled by the seemingly quiet conditions right now.  In the next two days if Debbie doesn’t have some movement, we could get more rain than the record we set on Sunday . . . and God forbid, if it gets upgraded to a level ONE hurricane, we’re in trouble. 

So it’s been an interesting weekend, to say the least, and the streak of ‘luck’ doesn’t seem to be over yet.  Thank goodness my son was able to keep me in pretty good spirits by seeing the humor in the ‘series of unfortunate events’.  I’m trying very hard to just ‘chill’ and go with the flow.  Not much else to do, but it’s been a test.  I hope my husband and son are enjoying their stay in NY while I sit, prepared to seek shelter in the bedroom closet, equipped with candle, lighter, water, several cans of food, and a vat of wine . . . .

In love and light (if we don’t lose power),



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Okay, so she’s not so little, but she is to me.  I still see her as a little blue-eyed baby with her thumb in her mouth, terrified of everything.  My daughter had fears; lots of them when growing up.  Without question, she was the inspiration for the second book (Sink or Swim) in The Grand Master/Little Master Series, addressing childhood fears and a new way to move through them.  I needed a new set of tools for her and I couldn’t find anything on the bookshelf that went to a metaphysical level, so I created one.  “Did it work”? I’m frequently asked about the series I wrote over a decade ago.  “What is she like now that’s she’s 21?”

It’s been a rough three days for her father and I; we put Haley on a plane for Greece last Thursday.  Several months ago she applied for a two month internship at White Pegasus Ranch in the mountains of Papigo, Greece; one which she thought she would never get, but decided to give it a shot . . .

My daughter has never traveled abroad alone; the ugly face of fear reared its head a few days before her departure.  We knew it would, we discussed it in depth many weeks prior; we knew she would get there and want to come home, back to the things that give her comfort; her room, her ‘stuff’.  Having traveled to LA five years ago for three weeks to visit friends, we almost brought her home early due to her high anxiety level, loss of appetite, etc.  Haley battles mild depression, is a bit of a recluse, hates ‘change’ and requires an abnormal amount of sleep for a girl her age.  Still, this opportunity was too exciting to turn down and she wanted it, a lot.

We decided that Skype would be the communication of choice; regular calls cost almost $2.00 per minute and texting is cheaper, but hard to do more than a few words in a text.  But there’s the seven hour time difference, making even Skype tough to coordinate.  Communication will be difficult.

Friday and Saturday I got a few random texts; “I wish this wasn’t so hard . . . “I’m feeling like I want to come home” . . . Ugh.  If you’re a parent, you know that there’s nothing worse than when your child is struggling, especially when they’re too far away to give  a big hug.  Just shoot me and put me out of my misery.

We connected this morning on Skype.  She was outside because it’s the only place that she can get an Internet connection.  The background scenery looked beautiful, and I commented on how she too looked beautiful. “Beautiful?” She laughed.  “I have no makeup on and my hair is wet, I look terrible!”  But she did look beautiful, changed already somehow. 

We briefly discussed the camping trip she just returned from with the horses, the animals that she shares the mountains with, the gorgeous herd of horses that she will be caring for and leading trail rides through the mountains.  She shared that she didn’t anticipate having ANY fears on the back of a horse, but riding down the mountain ledge and the thought of one slip of the horse’s foot brought up her fear of height, in a big way. 

The highlight of our Skype conversation was a woman sitting next to her at the table outside.  She poked her head in front of the camera and said, “Hi mom and dad!”  She spoke directly to me in a British accent: “This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. From one mother to another, let me tell you to relax; your daughter is in very capable, supportive hands.  She’s in the most beautiful place you can imagine, and no matter what she’s going through right now, she will find herself here; she will return a different woman.”  She waved and disappeared from view.  Haley smiled gratefully at her, as though she knew she spoke the truth.  

I wonder if that mother had any idea of the gift she gave me this morning . . .  I suspect she did.  Regardless, my little baby is in Greece on a life- changing adventure, attracting to her all the things that she needs to grow in to a strong, able woman.  My world was upside down for two days.  My daughter was the first thing on my mind when I woke up and the last before I’d finally drift off to sleep.  It’s good to be seeing things clearly again; able to relax and know that this is her journey and she will be just fine.

Is it working?” you might ask.  I can confirm that yes, indeed it is.  My little girl might always have her fears, but they will not have her.  I am watching my little blue-eyed baby conquer her fears and anxieties courageously. In many ways, it’s harder for her than a child ‘not’ battling depression.  I’m watching her go after her dreams, not letting fear rip her off from all that life has to offer.  She is my inspiration and my hero and words cannot express how proud I am of her.

 In love and light,

Patricia Merker


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