Okay, so she’s not so little, but she is to me. I still see her as a little blue-eyed baby with her thumb in her mouth, terrified of everything. My daughter had fears; lots of them when growing up. Without question, she was the inspiration for the second book (Sink or Swim) in The Grand Master/Little Master Series, addressing childhood fears and a new way to move through them. I needed a new set of tools for her and I couldn’t find anything on the bookshelf that went to a metaphysical level, so I created one. “Did it work”? I’m frequently asked about the series I wrote over a decade ago. “What is she like now that’s she’s 21?”
It’s been a rough three days for her father and I; we put Haley on a plane for Greece last Thursday. Several months ago she applied for a two month internship at White Pegasus Ranch in the mountains of Papigo, Greece; one which she thought she would never get, but decided to give it a shot . . .
My daughter has never traveled abroad alone; the ugly face of fear reared its head a few days before her departure. We knew it would, we discussed it in depth many weeks prior; we knew she would get there and want to come home, back to the things that give her comfort; her room, her ‘stuff’. Having traveled to LA five years ago for three weeks to visit friends, we almost brought her home early due to her high anxiety level, loss of appetite, etc. Haley battles mild depression, is a bit of a recluse, hates ‘change’ and requires an abnormal amount of sleep for a girl her age. Still, this opportunity was too exciting to turn down and she wanted it, a lot.
We decided that Skype would be the communication of choice; regular calls cost almost $2.00 per minute and texting is cheaper, but hard to do more than a few words in a text. But there’s the seven hour time difference, making even Skype tough to coordinate. Communication will be difficult.
Friday and Saturday I got a few random texts; “I wish this wasn’t so hard . . . “I’m feeling like I want to come home” . . . Ugh. If you’re a parent, you know that there’s nothing worse than when your child is struggling, especially when they’re too far away to give a big hug. Just shoot me and put me out of my misery.
We connected this morning on Skype. She was outside because it’s the only place that she can get an Internet connection. The background scenery looked beautiful, and I commented on how she too looked beautiful. “Beautiful?” She laughed. “I have no makeup on and my hair is wet, I look terrible!” But she did look beautiful, changed already somehow.
We briefly discussed the camping trip she just returned from with the horses, the animals that she shares the mountains with, the gorgeous herd of horses that she will be caring for and leading trail rides through the mountains. She shared that she didn’t anticipate having ANY fears on the back of a horse, but riding down the mountain ledge and the thought of one slip of the horse’s foot brought up her fear of height, in a big way.
The highlight of our Skype conversation was a woman sitting next to her at the table outside. She poked her head in front of the camera and said, “Hi mom and dad!” She spoke directly to me in a British accent: “This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. From one mother to another, let me tell you to relax; your daughter is in very capable, supportive hands. She’s in the most beautiful place you can imagine, and no matter what she’s going through right now, she will find herself here; she will return a different woman.” She waved and disappeared from view. Haley smiled gratefully at her, as though she knew she spoke the truth.
I wonder if that mother had any idea of the gift she gave me this morning . . . I suspect she did. Regardless, my little baby is in Greece on a life- changing adventure, attracting to her all the things that she needs to grow in to a strong, able woman. My world was upside down for two days. My daughter was the first thing on my mind when I woke up and the last before I’d finally drift off to sleep. It’s good to be seeing things clearly again; able to relax and know that this is her journey and she will be just fine.
“Is it working?” you might ask. I can confirm that yes, indeed it is. My little girl might always have her fears, but they will not have her. I am watching my little blue-eyed baby conquer her fears and anxieties courageously. In many ways, it’s harder for her than a child ‘not’ battling depression. I’m watching her go after her dreams, not letting fear rip her off from all that life has to offer. She is my inspiration and my hero and words cannot express how proud I am of her.
In love and light,
Patricia Merker
Wow is about all I can say! You SHOULD be proud of her – Greece! Everyone has fears. As a therapist I can tell you, we all have our fears. The biggest thing we all have to contend with is “Do our fears have us, or do we have our fears”. You’ve taught her well Grasshopper, and I’m proud of her parents. Inspiring!
We “more mature” ones know that you don’t get stronger or further ahead in life without at least trying to overcome the challenges and speed bumps life puts in front of you. I too am so proud of Haley, and I know from experience that she will believe in herself so much more after this trip. That confidence will be with her for life. Good for her, and good for you for giving her the strength to do this! xo
So funny Judy, I just sent an email to you! Thanks for the comment and thanks for all your help prior to Haley’s departure. You told her things that she clung on to and was very grateful for! She’s struggling a bit with the fact that you said not to leave her passport, money, etc. in her hotel room in Athens upon her return – but where she’s staying in the mountains, no one locks their doors! All good advice, especially about the men 🙂 thanks again.
Patricia -From one mom to another, it’s so hard seeing them learn and grow. I often shed tears of pain as well as tears of joy as I support my own kiddos branching out and becoming stable, honest honorable adults. I am 41, and I share your daughter’s fears to this day. I wish I’d had someone instill in me that I was capable of making good choices, even the bad ones were ok becuase I learned to listen to the voice inside me better. I think I’m growing now with my own kids as miuch as I did at their age (20 and 16). Thank you for sharing your experiences and helping the rest of us know we aren’t alone.
Hi Jen,
It would be so much easier on us, the parents, if we could take away their pain; have it happen to us instead. But of course we know that isn’t how it works . . . thanks for commenting Jen.
Can’t believe our little Haley is on such a journey, but I do believe it will be of great benefit to her. You have done everything a parent can do to help her, so try to sit back and let things happen. She is going to do fine. I hope you guys do as well.
Yes, I do believe she will be fine. Not sure I will be fine, but she will!
Momma Merker! I was facebook stalking and saw that you put this link on Haley’s facebook so I had to read it 🙂 I can’t believe she’s there, it didnt actually hit me until I was talking to her on the phone the night before she left..actually idk if its even hit me completely yet! We’re planning on skyping tomorrow before she goes to bed, I think the homesick feeling will go away soon once she gets used to things, it tends to just scare her at first and Id still be in shock if I were in her shoes. Love you guys, hope you’re doing well and hopefully my mom didnt talk too much trash about me 🙂
~Heather
Oh my gosh, my second daughter Heather! I’m so glad you were FB stalking! Yeah, Haley will be okay and even better after she talks to you. This is good for her. By the way, your mom never talks trash about you, just fyi. She’s just a mom and wants the best for you. It isn’t easy being a mom, in fact, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I know, yadda, yadda, yadda . . . . I promise you, one day you will know. We’ve all been young adults, PRAYING that we don’t turn out like our mothers! Scary, isn’t it?
Love you girl,
Momma
Mommy!! What you said made me smile so much!!! It makes my heart warm that I am inspiring to you and a hero to you. I don’t really think that what I do is all that inspiring. But I guess I was wrong 🙂
Haley, enjoy this amazing journey! Experience all the amazing things in Greece, and expand your horizons………..it sounds like there are some amazing people there to help you along your journey. You won’t regret going, and you will ulitmately find yourself. Not everyone gets such an opportunity. Make the most of it. So proud of you for taking that step.
Love you, Kim
You are wrong little master; you are MY teacher! I’m glad you still call me ‘mommy’ 🙂
Wow, what you are describing brings back memories of when I went to California from Va, and all that went with me was what I could fit into my tiny Ford Escort. I drove cross country with my mom’s “brick size” mobile phone, and was to report in every so many hours. Just the drive across country made me realize things were going to change in my life, and this will do that for Haley as well. She will have days where she thinks, what am I doing here? I should be at home where I know and feel comfortable, but she will hang in there, and get through it, and when she returns she will be different. The great thing about going somewhere where no one knows you, is you can be the person you want to be, and not the person you are expected to be….she will spread her wings and take some leaps of faith that she may not have taken at home with Mom and Dad there to watch all the steps. You all will cherish the phone calls, and this awesome experience will make your relationship that much stronger. My Mom had many of the same fears when I left, and she didn’t like me driving cross country alone, but either she road in the car with me, or I took my belongings, so I took her phone and packed the car. I will never forget that experience and Haley will cherish her two months there…..I promise you!
Kim
Thanks Kim! I too remember driving from Ohio to CA with what I could fit in my car. When I got there, I had nothing! I was depressed many days and couldn’t imagine whatever made me decide to go there. Somehow the ‘idea’ of it was better than actually being there . . . in the beginning. And then things changed and I loved it. So yes, I know this is an amazing opportunity and already she seems better. These things aren’t too far off for you . . . just the blink of the eye.
Love you!
What a gift that woman gave you! Thank god for technology!! I can’t wait to hear more about her trip!!
Thanks Betsy, I can’t wait to hear more about it either. Unfortunately it might be awhile before I have the whole picture, but I’m sure I’ll post about it! Thanks for commenting 🙂
Wonderful post. I think any mother can relate to your feelings of letting go. After all, it starts when they learn to walk, ride a tricycle, ride a bicycle, drive a car. Each step along the way, we have to loosen our protective grip a little more. Congratulations to you and your daughter. It sounds like this is going to be a growth experience for you both.
FYI: I found your blog through LinkedIn’s “Book Marketing / Do you have a blog?” group.
Hi Sandy,
Thanks for stopping by and contributing 🙂 I’m just starting to become a bit more active on LinkedIn – good to know that’s where you found me. I belong to The Book Marketing Group, Children’s Books, Spiritual Authors, Publishers and Agents, Your Book is your Hook, to name a few. Is there a blog group? Let’s connect!
I enjoyed your post. It brought back many memories for me, because I have a daughter, twenty-six, who is the most independent, adventurous young woman ever! My daughter, Kim, has always been someone who wants to do things that scare me half to death. Let’s see, thus far she has been on a reality TV show called “Switched!” when she was a senior in high school (she traveled to Connecticut & was in a pageant–something w-a-y out of her comfort zone–but she won the Miss Congeniality title! She went to Colorada State University which is f-a-r away from our Texas home, and while there she spent a semester in Australia. She ended up living and working in those beautiful Rockies too. She traveled for three weeks by herself in Thailand; that one nearly did me in! She’s done stand up comedy, climbs mountains, skydives, snowboards, is a certified white water rafting guide, and she scuba dives too! This summer she is working for a dude ranch as a trail guide, much like your daughter, but she’s in Steamboat Springs, CO. If there is one thing I’ve learned from all of this it is that I must have done a good job raising her, because she learned how to fly, and now she soars! So pat yourself on the back for a job well done.
Oh my gosh, you gave me such a gift today, thank you. Letting go is the hardest thing, and yet, it IS what makes us strong. I’m proud of my daughter, as you must be of yours. Your daughter borders on extreme living, and my hat goes off to her. I wish at her age I’d had her courage. You may also pat yourself on the back!
Hello,
I have nominated you for the “Inspiring Blog Award”
http://jenowenby.wordpress.com
The rules are:
1. Thank the nominating person with a link to their blog.
2. Post 7 things about you
3. Nominate 15 bloggers for this award
4. Inform them that you nominated them.
Have fun.
Jen